if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
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