She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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