I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Randomize
