Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize