I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
