i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
