haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Randomize
