But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
