Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
