What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
