she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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