Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
