I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
