who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
