He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
only you would photoshop your dick
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
