I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize
