there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Randomize
