just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize
