the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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