You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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