I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
