The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
