It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
