those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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