You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
