I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
