So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize