Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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