the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I love you.
Bad choice
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
