so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
