I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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