I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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