if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
