i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
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