Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
