I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
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