he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
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