it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
