Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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