I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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