well you can't waste a boner
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
At least life still wants to fuck me.
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