I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
