I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
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