idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
