one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize