if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
