So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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