:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
