He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
