o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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