Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
