Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
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