This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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