I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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