Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
