you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize
