I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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