we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
