apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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