If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Randomize
