i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Randomize