I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
