Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize