In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
