just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
