sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
