Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
