Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
