Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Randomize
