She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
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