You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Randomize
